Over the past couple of weeks I've been engaged in being compassionate and loving with myself and have noticed how much I'm thrown to seclude myself from the world and not live inside of that context. There are moments where it is present, especially when im with people, coaching people or empowering people in what maters to them. Then there are those moments where I am left to myself and what I realize is that really where there is to continue to look is right where I am - am I for myself whole and complete? Often no, often I indulge some conversation like I'm not good enough or don't belong and that gives me no power or freedom. To be totally honest I've not been on track food wise, I've ignored what my body really needs and though there is momentary pleasure and numbness in the food in the long term my experience of myself is that of being further removed.
I watched this video today:
And what became present for me is I really gave up on my dream of making a difference for people who are dealing with eating disorders and morbid obesity. I gave up on myself as being the one who could actually impact this. It's like I had this little glimpse of it, a glimpse of making that difference and then took myself out. Now, not all is lost, I'm not looking for your sympathy but rather just sharing what I see. So what is there to do? Really nothing new, keep taking myself on, keep being authentic about what i'm dealing with and STOP HIDING!!