Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A Line of Demarcation

Hello Long Lost Blog Readers

I have been MIA, absent, hiding and burying my head in life. You know when you know there is something for you to do and you put it off and put if off? Well I knew that I was long overdue to write a blog post and then I realized today the last time I wrote was August 11, 2014. Life has been coming at me fast and ferocious since then and something that I have realized is that when it comes to my health it has been a whole world of not wanting to do it, frustrated, what's the point and whatever I do doesn't matter anyway. Every day I do the same thing, I try really hard to eat "right" and workout, I even did 100 days in a row of working out, yet my experience doesn't shift. How life has gone for me is like it's not possible for me anyway - why try.

What's not possible? I know anything is possible, I am powerful and I can create miracles in my life yet I haven't been applying it and this week I've really been at the impact of that. In the last year I have gained weight, most of my clothes don't fit me anymore, my fitness level has decreased and the shame and the guilt start to creep up on me. I am back full time with Biggest Winners which is fabulous and at the same time comes with me wanting to make sure I fulfill on the program as an example to others. What I realized this week was that I have been doing alot for everyone else, for a purpose. Even when I lost all this weight it was for the purpose of having a family, of being a mom, it wasn't really for me. And you know what happened? I accomplished all of this and then it still wasn't possible for me, didn't matter how hard I worked or how many workouts I did it just wasn't possible for me to have what I really want. Now, I have all the tools in the world and amazing coaches to alter my experience of how life goes for me in any moment yet I have been hiding out, avoiding this and trying really really hard to cover up how sad, alone and devastated I feel. At the end of the day I'm completely resigned and not living life from what's possible, but living from I will make the difference for everyone else but me.

Dear Life....it's not going this way anymore!! Today is a demarcation, a point in time where I create my life for me - not for trying to do something for someone else, or for trying to get a result or get myself somewhere, but because who I am is worth it, who I am is valuable and who I am is loving and impactful. Now out of that I can see that I will still be a contribution and make a difference for people, but the source of it will be me putting ME as number 1. So here is what I am promising:

1. Write at least 2 blog posts per month, share my heart out, be vulnerable and authentic
2. Follow the Biggest Winners Nutritional guidelines every single day, even when I don't feel like it or when there is cake in the office
3. Make time (minimum of 15 minutes) every single day to do something that will take care of me. Today that is taking an hour off of work, going home and relaxing before I go to class tonight.

And if you are sitting there relating to this post at all my invitation is to make a promise to yourself today that will move you towards what you want, you deserve to have it all.