Monday, September 7, 2015

The Final Session!!

Yesterday we started another Biggest Winner session and it is the last one for 2015. We are racing to the end of the year with all engines on. For me, it has been session after session with little movement in my health. This last session I definitely improved my fitness level but my weight didn`t move. What I have up at stake for the next 4 months is aliveness and vitality - that my workouts, my food, my time to myself is all sacred and vital and what is present where I am is true aliveness!! I`ve been pretty resigned about this for awhile, frustrated that my weight doesn`t move, trying to move a number on the scale does nothing. When I look back at when I started my weight loss journey I was never focused on the scale, I focused on the things I wanted to be able to do like walking without having an asthma attack. So what do I want to be able to do?

1. In 2016 do a triathlon
2. Run a 5K comfortably with no pain
3. Fit in all my clothes again
4. Start fertility treatments in a healthy body

These will be my focus, not the # on the scale. I know exactly what it takes to be successful, i've done it over and over, now it's time to buckle down and just do it. I am walking to work again which is about 3KM each way, wearing my fit bit and using a food tracker. I said no to foods sitting out at work that I knew were not going to further my goal and I ate my salad instead. I also will be compassionate with myself, if I mess up then I need to use my accountability partners and be in communication with them. Part of me thinks "sure Bri, you've promised this before and not done it - what makes this different?" and I could give up and be resigned but i'm not becuase this is a journey - up down, in out, whatever it is it is all a journey. Getting to my lowest weight of 170 lbs was something that was NEVER going to happen for me, then I got comfortable, now this is a whole new journey - this is the journey of discovering balance, discovering having the results be lasting and also having my story and journey inspire others at the same time.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Playful & Committed

Wow 2015 has sure flown by, I got present this morning to how much hiding out I've been doing in this program. Yes I've been going to the workouts, but I haven't been honest with my food. Yes i've been talking alot about how being fit and active is what I want, but my actions are inconsistent with that. Even promising this morning in class to write a blog post brought up that I will look bad and be ashamed because I haven't been doing it and know that really I should. Now taking actions because I "should" can sometimes get me somewhere, but often it just leaves me resentful. What I created for myself last week in our check in was being playful and committed. Inside of being playful and committed I have a different access than just working hard which is what committed normally brings. So when I sat down to write this blog post I went back to my last entry and realized it is almost exactly what I want to say right now. It is a line of demarcation that life isn't going this way anymore. Now I did that for awhile and then I let life "lifed" me and took over. I wasn't responsible, it's all on me and no one is coming to save the day. I don't say that to make myself feel bad or put myself down but really because being 100% responsible is my access to having my life go the way I say it's going to go. So in January I drew that line of demarcation in the sand then swiftly covered it up with some stuff - conversations that i'm not good enough, conversations that my time isn't valuable and excuses. I've really taken the time this last week since starting a new Biggest Winner session to put the integrity back into my health. I've been honoring my workout schedule, I've been eating on plan and I've been drinking my water. Now all there is to do is to continue to honor who I am is my word, that is BEING PLAYFUL AND COMMITTED in all aspects of my life, even if at 5:30AM I don't "feel" like waking up to work out, being playful and committed is what is present.

Today in our check in I promised to take on my water in the 21 day challenge. That means 3 litres every single day of water. The small steps are what really make the difference, no overwhelming, no going for broke, but one foot in front of the other, one action at a time. And again, I am re promising to write and create in this blog again - I know it makes a difference not only for myself but for the hundreds of people who read it. I'm sorry for disappearing and I'm back!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A Line of Demarcation

Hello Long Lost Blog Readers

I have been MIA, absent, hiding and burying my head in life. You know when you know there is something for you to do and you put it off and put if off? Well I knew that I was long overdue to write a blog post and then I realized today the last time I wrote was August 11, 2014. Life has been coming at me fast and ferocious since then and something that I have realized is that when it comes to my health it has been a whole world of not wanting to do it, frustrated, what's the point and whatever I do doesn't matter anyway. Every day I do the same thing, I try really hard to eat "right" and workout, I even did 100 days in a row of working out, yet my experience doesn't shift. How life has gone for me is like it's not possible for me anyway - why try.

What's not possible? I know anything is possible, I am powerful and I can create miracles in my life yet I haven't been applying it and this week I've really been at the impact of that. In the last year I have gained weight, most of my clothes don't fit me anymore, my fitness level has decreased and the shame and the guilt start to creep up on me. I am back full time with Biggest Winners which is fabulous and at the same time comes with me wanting to make sure I fulfill on the program as an example to others. What I realized this week was that I have been doing alot for everyone else, for a purpose. Even when I lost all this weight it was for the purpose of having a family, of being a mom, it wasn't really for me. And you know what happened? I accomplished all of this and then it still wasn't possible for me, didn't matter how hard I worked or how many workouts I did it just wasn't possible for me to have what I really want. Now, I have all the tools in the world and amazing coaches to alter my experience of how life goes for me in any moment yet I have been hiding out, avoiding this and trying really really hard to cover up how sad, alone and devastated I feel. At the end of the day I'm completely resigned and not living life from what's possible, but living from I will make the difference for everyone else but me.

Dear Life....it's not going this way anymore!! Today is a demarcation, a point in time where I create my life for me - not for trying to do something for someone else, or for trying to get a result or get myself somewhere, but because who I am is worth it, who I am is valuable and who I am is loving and impactful. Now out of that I can see that I will still be a contribution and make a difference for people, but the source of it will be me putting ME as number 1. So here is what I am promising:

1. Write at least 2 blog posts per month, share my heart out, be vulnerable and authentic
2. Follow the Biggest Winners Nutritional guidelines every single day, even when I don't feel like it or when there is cake in the office
3. Make time (minimum of 15 minutes) every single day to do something that will take care of me. Today that is taking an hour off of work, going home and relaxing before I go to class tonight.

And if you are sitting there relating to this post at all my invitation is to make a promise to yourself today that will move you towards what you want, you deserve to have it all.