Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Done Diminishing

This entire summer has felt like a blur, but a good blur. I was in San Francisco for my final Landmark weekend, spent time with incredible people and got filled up with so much love. This course is almost over and I am so grateful for the connections I have formed, but more importantly grateful for the person I have created out of being willing to be brave and bold. I have some exciting projects on the go, including finishing up my book which I have been avoiding. I have been avoiding writing in general, it started occurring like a chore instead of a contribution. So by the end of this year I will have completed a book, I will be on my way to creating a speaking tour across Canada and will continue to be out there in the world making the difference I want to make.

Something I really got this summer was how much I tend to diminish my own self, I think alot of us do that, and I realize I do it all the time actually. I don't want to be seen, I gained weight to not be seen, I lost weight and didn't want to be seen, I started being out there with people and still didn't want to be seen. Secretly I wanted to hide and be alone because that is safer, my judgments are safe - the rest of the world would just be disappointed in me. I saw for the first time these last few months how my ongoing concern, that of wanting people to like me, has cause me to hold back and diminish who I get to be in the world. Now not to say that "story" will just disappear, but I can see it so clearly now, I can see how every time I stop myself in taking an action this voice in my head comes back "they won't like you if you say that" or "they will think you are stupid", and when I hear the voice I can now have choice to say it anyway or do it anyway. I am done diminishing who I am and who I am for other people, I know I am someone who makes a difference and that isn't being snobby, I do. And I want to use that ability to make a difference to really have those people who are scared see that it is possible for them, not only in weight loss, in anything they are struggling with.

I don't talk about my past much because there has been alot of shame there, alot of "you wont like me if you know", I just diminish it like it doesn't even matter. What I want YOU to know is that I have a past just like each of you, I have a past of pain, secrecy, shame and loneliness. I have a past of sitting alone on Friday nights with a box of pizza and a dozen donuts because they were more my friend that anyone else. And, when I get confronted, when something comes up that is scary for me like "they won't like me" then I can feel the pull to order the pizza or eat the empty foods that do nothing for me. The difference now is that I can actually recognize it, acknowledge it for what it is, and not hide it. What's happened over the last few months for me has been me hiding, going back to "they wont like me", and avoiding being someone who makes the difference. What I commit to is being freed up around saying what needs to be said, being straight with people instead of stepping over what others may have stepped over in the past. Weight loss and health all comes down to YOUR commitment to taking the actions, regardless of the circumstances, that is what will make you successful. So if you are ready to have power back in your life my invitation to you is to take an action, just one action, then another, then another, and every time you take an action CELEBRATE IT!! Doesn't matter if you post it on facebook or call your best friend, but acknowledge your actions even if they are small. Today I acknowledge myself for stepping away from the food at work and being present to what matters to me, my health. Today I acknowledge myself for being brave, vulnerable and for not giving up even when the circumstances dictate otherwise.

No comments: