Monday, June 24, 2013

Getting Straight

After last weekends inquiry into failure and performance I have really been in action this week to break down some barriers. Starting with getting straight with where I had been in relation to my health. I had really been making excuses for myself that eating "ok" was acceptable to me, really it's not! It's not when i'm living a life where my word is that I will be healthy and an example. I got that I had made it ok, I had been justifying it to myself, and owned up to that. What else hasn't been ok has been the excuses for not making my workouts, really what works is being up for 6AM and getting the workout in. I know this is what works, and that is what is in the schedule now. Swimming is back on the table, running is out, and winning the game of being healthy and an example is what I am playing each day.

Sometimes this voice of reason creeps into my head that says "why do you have to be an example for everyone else, just do what you want and relax" and then I realize that sure I could do that, absolutely I could choose to have that be my life, but what I said my life was about is having my journey transform other peoples health, that is what is important to me so the reasons and the justifications don't matter.

What else happened this week? Well I went to a fabulous party that my friend Sonya put on, and how that would normally go for me would look something like me in the background, listening intently to other's conversations and "pretending" to have fun but really just wanting to be at home alone where it is safe. That is NOT how this went. Going into this party I decided I was going to be fun and courageous. I had some great conversations with people I didn't know, and for me that is a shift in who I see myself to be, and it was FUN!

One step at a time I transform who I am for other people, it really amazes me sometimes that being open can be so scary - yet liberating at the same time. I have this ongoing conversation in my head that looks like "don't share don't speak don't be present, no one cares" it runs and runs and runs, and I put it aside and speak anyway - that's what's liberating and freeing. I wonder what new, interesting thing is coming next.

Monday, June 17, 2013

A New Take on Failure

Wow, what an incredible weekend of learning in Seattle. I just got back last night (well early this morning around 2AM) from my third weekend for the leadership program I have been taking with Landmark. A big conversation over the weekend was that of failure. The question being where do you hold yourself as a failure? Not like "i'm a failure at putting away the dishes" more like "i'm a failure as a wife" or something of that nature. I'm asserting that we all have this conversation in our head, about where we are failures and it is so dis-empowering!

My "failure list" consisted of the following:
-I am a failure at marriage
-I am a failure at pregnancy
-I am a failure at weight loss
-I am a failure at business
-I am a failure in my career
-I am a failure at finances
-I am a failure in conversations
-I am a failure at integrity
-I am a failure as an ambassador
-I am a failure as a daughter

I'm sure if I sat down and thought for longer than a few minutes I could have concocted a whole bunch more but this was my starting point. So looking at this list had me feel pretty crappy with myself, look at all these things I have failed at! Then something happened in this conversation on failure....We were asked to read our list out loud, then we were asked to read the list again but just read the words, not the "I am a failure at" part. What I got was that these are all things I am committed to, these are all areas of my life where I am committed and dedicated to elevating my performance and effectiveness. What I also got was when you hold yourself as a failure in these areas you get to not be responsible AT ALL. When I say "I am a failure at weight loss" because I haven't been losing weight what i'm really doing is not holding myself accountable for my actions. By being a failure it means I am no longer responsible for the outcome. In reality I am not a failure, I have simply failed at taking certain actions - there is a difference.

What I got present to this weekend is that failure actually has nothing to do with who I am, it is totally disconnected in fact from who I am. I failed at taking actions, but the powerful Bri is not a failure. So what am I committed to now? Re-tacking my health, being responsible and not a failure! What is now available for me to do is re-introduce more intense exercise again, trust my knee to last and eat 100% clean - no excuses. Ask yourself, where have you held yourself as a failure...then ask yourself am I avoiding being responsible for the outcome of this area of life? If the answer is yes, then take on empowering yourself to be responsible in that area, you will be amazed at what comes from that.

"I failed my way to success". Thomas Edison

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Presencing Your WHY

Tonight I got really present to how blessed I am to be given the opportunity to contribute to peoples lives. I led a session I created called Presencing Your WHY for Biggest Winners at BDHQ. First, being creative is something that has previously occurred very difficult for me. I had it like i'm not creative, I can only follow structure, and that people who don't follow structures are unprepared. Tonight I decided I was simply going to BE creative and go where my heart and my mind led me. I asked questions, got to the heart of the matter, and made a difference. Knowing that people walk away looking at things in a new way haves me left feeling like a true contribution.

I realize its been several weeks since I've posted any update on my life and where i'm at and for the people who read my blog consistently I apologize for my absence. I could give a whole bunch of reasons and excuses as to why I stopped writing, but they don't matter. Really, I just haven't made the time, I haven't made it a priority and in the process I have not been living the life I designed which is empowering people in their health. I want you to know that I am back, back to being vulnerable, back to sharing, and up to some big things in my life.

What really happened was I got up in front of 200 people and shared my story and it was terrifying and exciting at the same time, and then it was freeing. Then what happened was at the same time of being totally free from the anxiety this new fear crept in, this voice that said "don't get too big Bri, people aren't really interested" and slowly I started to withdraw, stopped sharing, hoped that people wouldn't notice my absence...the funny thing is they did....the even funnier thing is I was surprised at that!! So what did I learn about all of that? Well, when i'm willing to be a BIG person meaning sharing myself authentically and making a difference that I actually DO make a difference for people. Thank you to everyone who continues to support me on this journey of learning and creating the new Bri, I am the blessed one.