A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about taking away the scale. These last few months I have been far too focused on the number which has actually had the opposite effect on me. For the first time ever I did not make my weight for the ten pound challenge, self sabotage took over. I could have done it, absolutely, but choices were made and consequences paid. So in order to get myself in the right head space I had to refocus myself and separate the number from my accomplishments and feelings. I found myself starting to weigh in at home after eating certain foods or mornings after higher calorie meals to see where I was. I started using the scale as a way to enable myself to eat more, because I had been "good". I don't like this. Last week I made a decision that I would put away my scale. I would not weigh myself one more time until the end of this Biggest Winner session, not even on Sundays. I have left the authority in Michele's hands that if I am not being accountable to the program, not writing in my book or appear to have gained 50 pounds this past week then she can weigh me, but I don't want to know. I need this time to refocus my head.
It has been an interesting week, I've caught myself wanting to weigh in and was able to recognize that those times I wanted to were times where I was losing doubt in my abilities to trust that I was capable. By stopping this cycle my aim is to develop my trust more and more in knowing that I would never go backwards. See, I know I won't go backwards but I think inwardly I don't necessarily trust that right now. It will be an interesting next 6 weeks and an experiment in developing my own self trust.
I have even more exciting news to share. At first I wasn't actually excited about this, actually I was petrified, but i'm turning the tables and am now excited. I was asked to share my story at an event on Sunday November 18th here in Victoria. It is called Journey to Balance, it is open to the public and will raise money to benefit PEERs Victoria Resource Centre. I have ten minutes to speak and share my own journey, it's exciting and scary all at the same time. Please like the page on Facebook or follow them on Twitter. This step of me sharing my story publicly is all about me creating the possibility of my life of being a stand for people making healthy changes. We all have that power in ourselves, we just have to dig deep and make it happen.
Update #2 on even more exciting news to come in a few days...stay tuned :)