Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A New Me

Look at how life gets away from you when you are engaged and living. I just realized I haven't even updated my readers on my speech at Journey to Balance, let alone an update on the most transforming weekend of my life.

First things first, the speech. Let me tell you it was one of the starriest things I've done so far but I went into it with excitement. I went into it with the possibility of empowering someone to change their life. Now there was not 40 people there, but I would have felt the same regardless if there were 4 people or 400 people. Sharing yourself and being authentic about who you are in this world is extremely vulnerable. Unfortunately it was not taped so I don't have a video to share, but what I can share is the impact that it had on me. I recognize how powerful words are. I stood there living as a true example of someone who transformed body, mind and spirit. I shared myself and in return got a standing ovation and a personal sense of power I have never experienced.

Next...I was asked to contribute to a book called 1000 Tips for Teenagers along with 120 other passionate people. The book launched on November 20th which was National Child's day. I am super excited to receive my copy and see all the other contributions to this book. I know it will change many young lives. The book even made top 100 status in it's catagory, ranking #13 out of thousands of books. Kudos to all the contributors for taking a stand for teens and young adults to take charge of their lives.

What can be left, I just re-read what I wrote and that seems like alot of "stuff" going on for just a few days...What's left is the results of a life changing weekend. In August I completed the Landmark Forum and got power in my life back, but something was still lacking for me. There was still a small part of me that felt dis-empowered with respect to my body image. To be more specific, I was still, deep down, shameful of my weight loss. I felt personally responsible for where I got myself so I felt ashamed to be proud of the fact that I have lost 190 pounds. I realized over this weekend that I have been dis-empowering myself and those that I claim to be a leader for. This weekend I claimed my power back. I saw, for the first time ever, that my purpose on this planet is much bigger than simply a girl who lost 190 pounds. My purpose is to empower those I touch to find personal strength to take charge of their health. Something that the forum leader said was "when you are truly fulfilled in life and doing what you love, living for a purpose, you do not need food to fulfill you". Another thing that hit home was seeing really why I wasn't losing the "last 10 pounds". Any time you want something but aren't doing it there is a reason. Action produces results, but the source of getting action is being authentic with yourself about why you aren't acting. So when it comes to keeping weight on and not following through there is a pay off in it for you. A pay off isn't necessarily a good thing, it can be a way of protecting you. For me, I realized my entire way of being when it comes to conflict is to push people away. It is safer to push people away then to allow them in and take a chance that they may leave me. My pay off for keeping the last 10 pounds on has been that I get to continue to be the girl losing weight instead of the powerful girl who is impacting change in the world. Because being the girl losing weight is safer than being a person who stands up for others successes. My pay off has been playing it safe and not sharing that last vulnerable piece of myself.

The results of all this realization, I had some pretty amazing conversations with my siblings that I have never had. I opened my heart fully and shared exactly what I wrote above. I can now, completely and honestly, say that I feel like a different person inside and out. This is a picture of my sister and I at the completion of the Landmark Advanced Course last night. For me, even looking at this picutre, I can see myself as a different person...happier and confident, ready to take on whatever is next. Bring it on world, bring it on!!



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