Saturday, September 15, 2012

Back & Focused

It's half way through September already, where did the time go? I feel like I haven't sat down in the last two weeks, but that's not a bad thing. I love being busy, being engaged in life and living. Though sometimes I do just like to chill and home and vegg out in front of the TV.

In August I finished the Landmark Forum in which I was able to get some deeper understanding of who I am, why I react the way I react, and how to move forward in life. It's been an interesting dynamic living the last month in this head space of being fully aware. I feel "lighter", though the scale does not reflect that, it's more of a emotional lightness. I'm taking things day by day, moment by moment right now and trying to be very present to myself. After the Landmark Forum I went up to see my Mom on Savary Island, I have not stepped foot on that island in over a decade. The turmoil of our relationship, and the emotional blockage I had, prevented me from even considering me being there a possibility. Every time I though of it, I was physically ill, I felt threatened. But I did it, through much anxiety and self talk I got myself there, and just like anything else it isn't as bad as you imagine it to be. Of coarse there was "drama" there, but I was able to recognize it as nothing to do with me and not take it on.

Being totally honest, I gave in to huge emotional eating while I was away. I can't even begin to explain the amount of anxiety that overcame my body. The thing is that this time, for the first time, I actually was present to my body accepting the sugar as a way to deal with the feelings. I have "recognized" this in the past, and know that I've done it, but I can never actually say I "felt" it. I can't change the food I ate in that week, but I can own up to it and move forward. I was able to overcome some massive fears and grow as a person. Now, recognizing, the emotional eating I can learn to be that much more present to it happening. By the end of my trip, I wasn't giving in to any emotional cravings, I was so present that I could self-talk my way out of eating the crap. This will allow me to move forward in my weight loss journey and continue to get healthier. I signed up for the 10 lb challenge at BDHQ to keep myself accountable, 10 lbs in 8 weeks will get me back to my lowest.

After Savary I went to Toronto to visit a friend, with another friend, it was fun to get away but it reminded me what it was like to be with people who aren't as present as I am to "conscious eating". By that I mean, having to really think about and plan what and where i'm going to eat. Of coarse my friends are super understanding of my needs and we did chose restaurants I was able to make good choices at, but it was more the ability to ensure I was eating every 2-3 hours, and eating breakfast. Basically, very out of my own element.

I came home on Monday night, late, and the next morning I was scheduled to do a radio interview with a health coach. She had found me on twitter and asked to interview me on my journey, I was very nervous about this because it's one thing to write (you can write and erase and think) but with speaking you can't go back on your words, especially when the interview is live. For those that missed it, it has been recorded and you can listen to it here.

Now i'm back to work, at least for another few weeks before I head to Vegas for my cousin's wedding. I'm happy to be back working out and in control. These next few weeks I intent to be very strict with my food to get back into the grove, get back to swimming at least one day per week, and continue with chiro. What is your intention for this coming week? How will you move forward, and not backwards, in your journey? Persistence is far more important than perfection!

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