Thursday, July 5, 2012

Scary Thing - Em's Reflection

In one of the recent 21 day challenges I challenged people to do just one thing that scared them. Going on the premise of doing one thing every day that scares you, I thought that may be a bit intense for some people, so the challenge was to just pick one thing. If you missed the post you can see it here.

My good friend Emily who has been an amazing support in this program has embraced the Biggest Winners program head on. She shows up and works hard and the results show. Just look at these before and after pics.


And of coarse because of her nature of going full force, she picked something that I think is pretty scary. When I asked her to send me a quick paragraph on what her scary thing was to include in the blog post on it she sent me an entire page of what I can only explain as honesty. To top it all off she is willing to put herself out there and share it with everyone who reads this blog.

So here it is, Emily's Reflection on her "scary thing"

How do we decide what scares us? In our most recent 21-day challenge we had to ‘do something that scares you’. For me the reality is that everything about the biggest winner (BW) program terrifies me. This program is so much more than just working out. Together with some truly inspiring and beautiful people over this last 9 months I have come face to face with some pretty intense emotions and memories. In this program you quickly discover that if you want to truly embrace everything that BW is then there is NO hiding from yourself. It is about getting to the root of why you are the way you are so that you can then figure out how to make a true difference and become more of the person you want to be.

For me, how I got here is rooted a lot in with a sickeningly destructive past ‘relationship’ that resulted in some major lasting scars and an overwhelming need to hide from the world at all costs. To do this I buried myself in food, sleep, and school for a long time. BW and this year of transformation has changed all of that. With muscular strength and weight loss I have gained confidence, great friendships, and finally (after way too long), the desire to embrace all things that life has to offer. But desire does not come without fear, at least not for me. Anything I truly care about obtaining I am also truly terrified of losing. I fight with a desperate need to protect myself from going back to a situation like I got myself in when I was young and stupid - where it all began for me. For this reason putting myself out there in the dating world again (especially a blind date!) was a terrifying thought. So when Nicki first brought up the idea of setting me up on a blind date my first thought was “good god no! I can’t do that!”. I instantly felt so panicked and flustered that I couldn’t even think of the right questions to ask or what to say.

When first thinking about the ‘something that scares you’ I was hoping to make my ‘thing’ challenging myself and following through on completing a Spartan Sprint obstacle race. When Bri pointed out that I had already committed to this challenge before the start of the 21 day period I admit I inwardly pouted a bit. Well what else? At Nicki’s low pressure nudging I had been emailing her friend a bit, but was still thinking that I would chicken out and not end up meeting up with him. It happened to be the day that I was really thinking/deciding what to do for my scary thing that he emailed asking if I wanted to meet up. Crap, hard to say no now, right? I needed something for my challenge. Ok, deep breath and just say yes. Book it sooner rather than later so you don’t have time to overthink it and cancel… Keep it simple and low pressure. So I did, and I tell you I was so relieved to actually have fun on that date! Thanks to that first scary step, I realize now that I am finally getting to a point where I can choose to believe that there ARE plenty of good guys in this world, and that I may actually deserve to be with one of them.

One date has luckily turned into a few, and I am so incredibly happy that I decided to put myself out there and do this. No matter what happens, I am challenging myself, learning and growing. I am also rediscovering who I am and where I stand. It is still scary every day, and I do worry that I could lose myself again, but I am finally actually living life – not hiding from it. I will make mistakes and I will fall, but I know that I will be able to pick myself up again, learn and move on. My challenge now is in not repeating old patterns of insecurity, which is a whole new other level of scary. But when the fear is overwhelming and I am getting too much into my own head I try to just stop and look at how far I have come, and how incredibly lucky I am to be here. I hope that people will get from this the desire to overcome your fear, get out there and challenge yourself to do something that scares you. No matter what the outcome, you will be proud of yourself for trying. Some of the greatest things in life are also the scariest, and if you let fear rule you could be missing out on so much that is wonderful. Have fun ☺

3 comments:

Lori Hawrychuk said...

Love Em.....true courage...Good for you!!
Lori

michele said...

So inspiring :)

Cindy said...

so cool...you BOTH have inspired me to do something that scares me...now what's it gonna be??? hmmmm...must think!