Let me start by saying this week I was not on track at all. I stopped doing the daily reverb journal and now that is 5 days missed I can't even say I have the energy to go back and do them all. I haven't really had the energy to do much this last week. Today we talked again about our stories, the story you tell yourself that is really your excuse. My story, which has been ongoing, is that story of "normal". The story in my head that goes something like this...
I want to be normal like everyone else I see around me who is a "normal weight". I want to look in the mirror and see that instead of still seeing someone with a weight issue. So when I am a group/social setting, which happens all the time, I just want to be "normal" and not stand out. Logically I know I don't stand out, i'm a normal weight, but the story in my head keeps running. Then the story becomes, well if you want to be normal like everyone else then you should be able to eat those cookies, why can they eat the cookies and I can't if i'm supposed to be normal like them?
That was pretty much the ongoing story all week...and the results?? well I gained 4 lbs, yes some of that is due to me getting my period, but not all of it. Am I angry? NO. Disappointed? Yes. Of coarse i'm disappointed, but I've learned from doing this for nearly four years that there is no point in getting mad about it, just move on and do better. I recognize that it will take time for me to work through this "story" and that it won't happen right away but I also know that I will get through it just like I have overcome all the other stories.
So moving on from this week, I must get back on track. I'm prepared with my food, have a fully stocked fridge, have a meal plan and a workout plan. I'm focusing on figuring out what my fitness goals are going to be for 2012 that, at this point, do not involve running.
Oh and on a side note, we had our Christmas dinner for the Burn Fund last night and I fit into an amazing dress that Raeleen gave me. It helped in the department of "feeling normal".