Friday, December 30, 2011

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous

You know who you are currently recovering from an overdose of turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. You are contemplating what your "final meal" is going to be tomorrow before you start on January 1st. You are drinking the rest of the egg nog, and have a fully stocked cabinet full of cheat foods ready for the final binge tomorrow. You know who you are...there's no hiding from me because that was me for so many years.

I want you to know that this will be hard, this will take dedication, this will take patience. You will not be 100% all the time, you will fall, you will cheat, but in those moments you will also have a choice to make. Are you ready to make that choice? The choice of getting back up and continuing on or giving up because its January 2nd and you just ate a ferrero rocher? Be prepared for that choice, be prepared to be strong because that is the test of your willingness to start/continue on your health journey. Get the garbage bag ready to purge the pantry, the starving children in Africa do not need the rest of the chocolates you were unable to shove in your mouth before the clock struck midnight.

I hope that you make that decision that you are important enough to do this. I hope that you make the choice to continue on when you fall down. 2012 could be the best year of your life, make it so by making you a priority.

Anonymous, you know who you are, do it for yourself and do it because you are capable.

"We cannot start over, but we can begin now, and make a new ending." Zig ziglar

2011 in Review

Another year done, a new about to start, wow how time flies. I just looked back on the post I wrote last year about the lessons I had learned "10 Lessons of 2010" and I realized that these lessons are still the same, except the lessons are now my life. The biggest difference between now and this time last year is that I am now in a place that I can say I am happy with where I am in my journey. For the first time in my entire life I will not be entering a new year with my main priorities/goals being non scale related, but rather fitness related. I still have a number goal, but as I said it is not my priority anymore.

A new year means new goals, new wants and new focus, but that doesn't mean we should forget what was accomplished in these last 365 days.

I am proud because...
1. I reached a total weight loss of 190 lbs
2. I lost 3% body fat & gained 9% in hydration. I lost 3.5 inches off my chest, 3.5 inches off my bra line, 2 inches off my upper thigh, 1 inch off my lower thigh, 1 inch off my arm, 4.5 inches off my waist, 7.5 inches off my belly button and 5 inches off my hips.
3. I ran a 1/2 marathon
4. I ran 10KM in 1:01
5. I rode a 75K bike ride
6. I went kayaking
7. I learned how to Stand Up Paddleboard
8. I completed the full course of Wildplay
9. I became a more open person and developed new relationships and friendships
10. I was asked to be an ambassador for the Biggest Winners program
11. I was close to being chosen to be in People Magazine
12. I learned how to have fun
13. I am wearing a size 10 and a medium/large shirt and no longer shop in any plus size stores.

And what do I want to accomplish in 2012? What is on my bucket list?
1. I want to be able to do a chin up, just one!
2. I want to run another 1/2 marathon
3. I want to run a marathon
4. I want to run the TC10K in under 1 hour
5. I want to go caving
6. I want to have a family
7. I want to go paragliding
8. I want to go river rafting
9. I want to have boudoir photos taken
10. I want to wear a size 6
11. I want to hike the west coast trail
12. I want to organize my office and KEEP it organized
13. I want to experiment more with my cooking
14. I want to create a vision quilt of my journey
15. I want to send birthday cards and Christmas cards (ties into the organization)
16. I want to create a 2012 time capsule to read next new years eve
17. I want to take a fitness course
18. I want to stick to my current financial budget
19. I want to take a dance class
20. I want to read more
21. I want to do more yoga, to offset all the running and avoid further injury
22. I want to complete the Tour de Victoria in June
23. I want to play slo pitch again
24. I want to document my blog in a book
25. I want to create a personalized tshirt/hoodie for me

I am looking forward to a year full of building friendships, living life and creating moments. I am blessed to have an amazing support network and community that will enable me to accomplish these things. Happy New Year to everyone who has supported me I hope 2012 brings you success and happiness, however that may look.

January 2011

December 2011

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Close of Christmas

Christmas is over, food coma's have nearly passed, and we all start preparing to ring in 2012. I have had a wonderful holiday season so far. Last week we went tubing up at Mt. Washington with Maddison and Annabelle. It was a long drive up but well worth it. You can get amazing speed going down that hill! For me Christmas isn't about the presents, it's about creating moments and memories. Here are the four of us at the mountain

Even though tubing isn't exactly physically exhausting, doing this would not have even been on my agenda prior to losing weight. That is one thing I noticed about this year in particular, even though I take a "break" from being focused on my food 100% during the few days of Christmas, this year I didn't stuff my face just because I was on a "break". I still kept my portions under control, yet allowed the indulgences. Health is life, and just like life you cannot be 100% all the time and this time of year is a time where I allow the indulgences, but don't allow the over indulgences. I had one plate of Christmas dinner, and not an overflowing plate, and my contribution was dessert which was black bean brownies and frozen yogurt. Even the kids didn't know that there were beans in their dessert ;).

As with food, we also tried not to overindulge on the spending though im not as good with that one. We did a gift exchange with my family so we only had to buy for one person each and then contribute stocking stuffers. This is where my crafts came into play. I made motivational magnets for all the girls

It's kind of hard to see with the glare of the photo but the sayings are:

"You are stronger than your excues"
"celebrate who you are"
"Make a new ending"
"Strive for progress, not perfection"
"Do what makes you happy"
"Belive it Be It"
"Ever Day JUST DO IT"
"Redefine the impossible"
"Doubt your Doubts"
"Muscles are built by effort not excuses"
"Strong is the new beautiful"

I packed up some holiday tea and put that in the stockings along with holiday coffee and a travel mug for the boys. All I can say is next year I should start earlier, procrastination doesn't work well! This will have to be a goal for the new year I think. I still have a couple more days to think about what I want 2012 to look like and what my resolutions/goals will be. For now i'm going to enjoy the next few days of relax and get ready for my birthday dinner tonight.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

A week until Christmas!!

Another week down, and I can't believe it's only a week away from Christmas - yikes!! Just getting ready now, at least I have tomorrow off work and can get organized. I have just stockings left to do but that seems to be hard, especially for any thoughts would be appreciated. My crafts are coming along, pictures to come after Christmas as to not give away any hints to those receiving them. I am not taking much time off at Christmas, I have tomorrow off and then taking Thursday the 22nd off to go up to Mt. Washington and take the girls tubing - excited. Then I have the Monday/Tuesday of the following week off as stats, and the following Monday/Tuesday off. So basically 3 - 3 day work weeks, which is nice.

My goal this week is to be on track with food, as I have been, but avoiding chocolate will be the key as I have been having some cheats which aren't horrible but just not conducive to weight loss. Also drinking more water, I have been drinking my 3 liters, but trying to up that to flush out my body. Nicki got me on to some super yummy holiday teas which I now have like hundreds of in my house - not kidding! They are at Thrifties, made by Bigelow

They smell amazing, and for me have helped with the cravings, in fact I'm drinking an eggnog one right now - yum!!

Some good news though, I went to physio on Wednesday, took me awhile to get in due to the stupid rules of how my extended health plan works, but I got in. Went to LifeMark (Westside Village) and saw Chris May, I was super happy with what he told me which was that my knee is not the issue it is just what is being effected. The issue is that I have a tight quad and IT band. He said basically what happened was when I was running the 1/2 and got to the 19K mark where I got tired my right leg started to get lazy and my food was no longer straight, this caused my knee to push out to the side which is causing the pain. The solution is that I need to strengthen/lengthen my quad and IT band. I'm happy that I haven't permanently injured myself, it just means that I have to take it easy still, limited biking, upper body and only a few squats to work back in. He gave me some stretches to do that i've been doing each day and I go back to see him again on this Wednesday.This whole injury thing has been a true test of patience for me because all I want to do is just get back into it but I KNOW that I need to listen to the medical professionals and just wait if I want to be able to run again.

And more exciting news that I must share, BDHQ is running a contest for the new year called "BDHQ-over", check out their website for details on it. This is seriously the most amazing opportunity ever!! You receive thousands of dollars worth of prizes, but not only that - you receive the opportunity to take control of your life and make the change once and for all, no more of this sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else do it, it's your turn to do it. So if you are seriously committed to getting healthy in 2012 then APPLY!! Contest closes Friday January 13th so get that application in.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

An Excuse Story

Let me start by saying this week I was not on track at all. I stopped doing the daily reverb journal and now that is 5 days missed I can't even say I have the energy to go back and do them all. I haven't really had the energy to do much this last week. Today we talked again about our stories, the story you tell yourself that is really your excuse. My story, which has been ongoing, is that story of "normal". The story in my head that goes something like this...

I want to be normal like everyone else I see around me who is a "normal weight". I want to look in the mirror and see that instead of still seeing someone with a weight issue. So when I am a group/social setting, which happens all the time, I just want to be "normal" and not stand out. Logically I know I don't stand out, i'm a normal weight, but the story in my head keeps running. Then the story becomes, well if you want to be normal like everyone else then you should be able to eat those cookies, why can they eat the cookies and I can't if i'm supposed to be normal like them?

That was pretty much the ongoing story all week...and the results?? well I gained 4 lbs, yes some of that is due to me getting my period, but not all of it. Am I angry? NO. Disappointed? Yes. Of coarse i'm disappointed, but I've learned from doing this for nearly four years that there is no point in getting mad about it, just move on and do better. I recognize that it will take time for me to work through this "story" and that it won't happen right away but I also know that I will get through it just like I have overcome all the other stories.

So moving on from this week, I must get back on track. I'm prepared with my food, have a fully stocked fridge, have a meal plan and a workout plan. I'm focusing on figuring out what my fitness goals are going to be for 2012 that, at this point, do not involve running.

Oh and on a side note, we had our Christmas dinner for the Burn Fund last night and I fit into an amazing dress that Raeleen gave me. It helped in the department of "feeling normal".

Monday, December 5, 2011

Reverb 2011 - Day 5 & 6

Day 5 Prompt 5 on 5

What are 5 things you have done for yourself in 2011?
-I truly put myself first this year. I put my needs first, even though I still struggle with being a people pleaser, I have learned how to balance that with putting what I need above all else. If I can't take care of myself then I can't be a good friend, wife, aunty or daughter.
-I stood up for my beliefs, I voiced my concerns and feel like I have become a stronger person.
-I trained, trained, trained and trained some more to ensure I reached goals I never thought were possible.
-I taught myself how to accept me for who I am and love my body
-I celebrated my accomplishments through means other than food

What are 5 things you have done for others in 2011?
-I helped someone make the decision to get healthy
-I listened and helped a friend through a tough time
-I helped raise money for charity
-I bought a gift for a child I didn't know
-I coached someone I had never met over the phone about how to find motivation

What are 5 things that held you back from doing things for others?
-Feeling as though my help is not wanted
-Never wanting to burden someone who doesn't want help
-Spending time putting myself first
-Time management

What are 5 things that you want to do for yourself in 2012?
-finish what I started, reach 200 lbs lost
-continue blogging
-run another 1/2 marathon
-complete a triathlon
-run the TC 10K in under an hour

What are 5 things you want to do for others in 2012?
-inspire someone to chose to start their journey
-teach someone how to run
-be a friendly ear
-lead by example

Day 6 Laughter

Reflect on the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt, your mascara ran down your face, or you wet your pants?

I find this question really hard to answer. I have had a hard time showing my emotions, happiness/sadness, doesn't matter what end of the spectrum. It is hard for me to show my feelings to most people, even laughter. The one person that has the ability to make me laugh so hard I want to cry is my husband though, I can't really pinpoint an exact time, but I do know that he can make me smile and laugh even when i'm trying to be mad. This can be frustrating, sometimes I just want to be mad!! LOL.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Reverb 2011 - Day 4 Addition through subtraction

What have you let go of this year and how has it affected you?

I have truly let go of the need to focus on the number on the scale. Like I said yesterday, once I got under 200, really the number became meaningless. It took me a long time to get into that head space of not caring about it, but I can honestly say I am there. I still weigh in every week, but my focus is not on what the scale says, my focus is on how strong and amazing I feel. I focus on how my clothes fit, instead of what number appears every week. I will always weigh myself weekly to ensure I am on track and accountable, but what the number says does not define me as a person, nor should it define anyone. By letting go of the need to focus on the number it has allowed me to be more focused on being healthy and defining healthy by my actions. I am healthy at 170 lbs, even though by definition that is still overweight, I am healthy because I live a healthy weight and that number does not define me.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Reverb 2011 - Day 3 A Moment in Time

New hair cut - thanks Wendy :)....Eye brows threaded....Eye lashes tinted, I feel pretty oh so pretty oh and NEW coat as well from the Bay, and bonus IT WAS A SMALL!! yes you heard me A SMALL and on sale.. can this weekend get any better?

And now Day 3 of reverb

A Moment in Time
Tell us about one moment that you lived in 2011 that you will never forget.

The day I weighed in at 199 I will never forget. That moment was a moment I had fought for for a long time and at times a moment I thought would never come. I remember I avoided weighing in all week at home because I knew how close I was to seeing it, I waited until Sunday morning to weigh in at the studio and saw the number. It was a huge flood of emotions that had built up for so long, it was achieving something that really seemed so far away. Especially at 360 lbs, the thought of weighing one hundred and anything seemed impossible, but then it was there, all that hard work paying off. I remember I had a shift at that point from caring about the number to not really caring anymore and just focusing on my health. Once I could say I weighed one hundred and something then to me the rest didn't matter. I will never forget it, and I think that is a good thing because it keeps me motivated to maintain where I am and never go back.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Reverb 2011 - Day 2 My Children Will Do It Differently

TGIF!! :) Today's reverb is "my children will do it differently". If you're interested where i'm getting these from you can google REVERB11 or also subscribe to some blogs that will email it out. I get mine from

Day 2: My Children Will Do it Differently
If you could choose one thing that your children will do or experience in a different way than you have, what would it be and why?

I never want my children to experience the pain of loneliness, the feeling that no one in he world is there for you. That was my experience for many years, the loneliness led to the food which led to the weight which led to more loneliness = a vicious cycle. Food was my friend, it didn't talk back, well it didn't talk period which I guess is why I was so lonely. I never want my children to have to feel the pain of watching their classmates experience milestones while they sit in the background. I want my children to be strong, independent, compassionate and kind. I want them to go to the parties and have what would be classified as "normal teenage experiences". I want them to live life to the fullest.

I recognize I cannot go back and change my childhood or my teenage years. I am older, healthier, stronger and wiser. I do recognize however that I want more for my children than what I had. I will raise them to be strong enough to do what I was unable to do for many years, love themselves.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Reverb 2011 - Day 1 One Word

I came across this concept called reverb last night and it intrigued me. I was reading it on someone elses blog and it spread through many blogs. The idea is to look back on your year and find moments that you want to remember or document. It doesn't have to be in the form of a blog, it could be a simple daily journal, or whatever, or you don't even have to do this every day. But the people organizing this "reverb" will post/email daily promts and you then write something based on that prompt. I read through a few of the entries from 2010 and it just seemed like an amazing way to reflect on what has happened over the last year, those little moments big or small. So here I go, be prepared to hear alot more from me!! I can't promise every day, and if I don't make it one day then I will double up on the next, that's my intent :).

Day 1: One Word
Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word.
Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

To me 2011 was the year that I reached a normal weight, I went from obese to normal in my body fat, I fit into regular sized clothing and I started to feel normal. So if I had to encapsulate 2011 in one word it would be success. Even though I have been on this weight loss journey for nearly four years, 2011 I finally started to feel successful. I finally saw what I did as an achievement, instead of a failure that I was trying to fix.

2012 for me in one word is final. I know that I will see myself reach 200 lbs lost, I will discover new strength, I will attempt new feats, I will continue to move forward in the never ending journey of health and wellness and I will finish what I started.

I'd love to hear from you guys, how do you encapsulate 2011? and what would you use to capture 2012?