Thursday, July 21, 2011
Having a weight issue my whole life I have grown up with a deep routed belief of not feeling good enough. I have been heavier more years than I have been in shape. Sometimes I still feel like i'm 360lbs, but i'm overcoming it. Sometimes I feel like the same person I was three years ago. Logically I know I am smaller, I can see the pictures, I know my clothes are all smaller, but in my head I feel like I am the same person. I think it's important to be honest with myself and ask myself how do I really see myself? What do I believe? What do I think?
*I am pretty, but I don't feel beautiful
*I am physically strong, but I don't feel emotionally strong
*I am driven & successful, but I could do better
*I am scared of sharing the real me because I don't want to be rejected
I recognize that I still have work to do on myself to become a more confident person and conquer my weight. I don't want my weight issue to define who I am for the rest of my life. I want to get to a place where I feel just as beautiful as the hot girl - you know the one(s) i'm talking about. I want to get to a place where I am stronger, where I am more capable of expressing my feelings without breaking down in tears, I want to feel emotionally strong. I want to feel that I have been successful, which seems funny to even say because obviously I've been successful, I've lost 175lbs. I don't wan't food to control my life. I want to be proud of who I am and be confident to shout it to the world.
Here's what I know...There is only one person who can control your future - you. This means that I have to do the work, no one else, I have to work hard every day to overcome these beliefs and achieve what I want. I know I can, because I know that from where I started my beliefs have changed dramatically. When I started I didn't even believe I could get this far, let alone believe that I was pretty, successful or strong. I'm a work in progress and i'm okay with that. I'm also okay with the fact that I won't change these beliefs overnight, they have been embedded in my being for the last 20 years of my life. This emotional type of work is harder for me than the physical work required to lose weight but it is a necessary part of the weight loss journey.
Right now I am focusing on trying to share myself with others, show people who I really am even though it scares me to death. It scares me that people may not like what they see/hear and reject me. I'm scared to be alone. I am overcoming this fear though every day by being open with others, expanding my horizons and taking chances. Every time I take a leap of faith I realize it's not as scary as I thought it was. Every time I express my feelings and the recipient does not reject me, I gain confidence. Every time I take a step in the right direction I get stronger and that much closer to being the person I want to be.
Time to reflect..think about one belief you have about yourself that you want to change, what are you doing to change this? What are you going to commit to yourself to do today to work on this? There are only seven days in a week—and someday isn’t one of them so make the choice today to make the change. Choose to make you # 1, choose to be happy.
Posted by Brianna Westhaver at 9:13 PM