Thursday, June 30, 2011

My Summertime Bucket List

LONG WEEKEND!! So excited for 4 days off, today i'm working a 1/2 day since i'm going to the doctor this morning. This week was the first week in the change of my flex schedule, i'm working 7AM to 5PM and taking an 1:15 for lunch. I went to the hustle on Monday and cardio burnout on Tuesday, yesterday Sarah and I did a run at lunch and then I also ran after work with Christa. Today I will try to make it to lunch time class but it will depend on the timing of my doctor's appointment. The day at work is pretty long, and i'm still getting used to it, but in the end it's totally worth it.

So I still have my goals, they are a work in progress and continually evolving, but apart from that I have a "bucket list" that i'd like to share with all of you. Well, let's say these are the fun things I want to do in the next few months so open for anyone who wants to join me in my adventure.

The list...

#1: Go to Wild Play and complete the Monkido course
#2: Go Ziplining again at Adrenaline
#3: Rent Kayaks
#4: Day trip to Vancouver to complete the Grouse Grind
#5: Day trip to Vancouver and go to Playland
#6: Go tubing up at Lake Cowichan
#7: Go hiking a few times: Mt. Work, Mt. Wells, Mt Finlayson, Mt. Doug or any other reachable places around the island
#8: Run around Thetis Lake and swim to the island as a cool off
#9: Ride my bike for some short day trips around Victoria
#10: After work BBQ`s & badminton/bocce at Willows Beach
#11: Do the indoor climbing at Craig X Climbing Gym

Any takers?? Who wants to join me any my summer adventures?? I`d love to get a big group of people to do the ziplining and the wild play - obviously different days - but if you`re interested the let me know so I can plan it. Also a few people to do the Vancouver day trips will make the cost pretty minimal for the ferry.

Hope everyone has a healthy, active and relaxing weekend. Yes active and relaxing were in the same sentence and for me go together quite well.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

New Beginnings

Today was the end of another Biggest Winner session and the end of my full time commitment to the program. I'm a little sad to be leaving and will miss the comradery of everyone in the group. I will still be attending on Sunday's which will make me accountable to weighing in. I'm not at my final goal weight of 160, but I am at a place that I am satisfied at where I am. I will continue to work towards my goal and know that I will accomplish it. Completion of this session means that I have completed one whole year of Biggest Winners and nearly one whole year of writing this blog. Wow has time flown!!

Looking back I am so grateful to have found an such an amazing program that has helped me become the woman I am today. I am first and foremost a much smaller version of me. I am stronger, happier, healthier, more confident and have faith that I can accomplish anything. Without the support of BDHQ, my fellow Biggest Winner participants and my support group I wouldn't have been able to accomplish as much as I have.

Here is just a small list of the things I accomplished in this last year of Biggest Winners:

#1: I went from 248 lbs to 185 lbs, a loss of 63 lbs
#2: I went from a size 22 to a size 10
#3: I have lost a total of 48 inches, most noticeably 12 inches around my belly button
#4: I learned how to run and love it
#5: I have conquered several beautiful hikes over the last year including Mt. Doug, Mt. Finalyson and Mt. Work
#6: I started playing sports again (soccer & softball)
#7: I made the decision that my best is enough and I believe it

I would not be able to achieve these things without some key people...
Michele - thank you for creating such an amazing program, I will be forever greatful for what you and BDHQ has done for me. You make me want to push harder and be successful.
Lovisa - thank you for the encouragement in the workouts and helping me learn how to run. Without your support I would never have learned that I am capable of pushing myself further than I though possible.
Dawn - thank you for being a smiling face on Thursday mornings, knowing that you were going to train us got me out of bed at 5AM and to the gym.
Tonia - you befriended me day 1 and we have been friends ever since. Thank you for always being there and being a supportive ear. Thank you for running with me and talking to me while I am just trying to breathe.
All my running buddies - Christa, Nicki, Sarah, Tricia - let's keep running!!
John - thank you for always being supportive of my goals, I love you XOXO.

I am looking forward to this next chapter in my life and moving forward. I have changed my schedule at work so that I can start to come to lunch time classes or run. It's going to make for some really long days, but I think it will be worth it and in the end give me a bit more free time. I'm going to continue with my sports and training for the 1/2 marathon in October. I will continue writing my blog and being accountable to everyone that follows me. Cheers to new beginnings!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Star Power

I feel like i've been on a pendulum of emotions and commitment these last few weeks. I went from being fully committed and back in the zone to falling off the wagon to back in the zone to having one of the worst weeks I've had in a long time. I feel like I was possessed by the old me. I just gave in to temptation after temptation this week. I'm not mad, im not angry, i'm disappointed in myself, but it is what it is and i'm moving on from it. For the first time in a long time I gained weight this week, and it's my own fault. I own it, and I have to just work hard this week to get back on track. All I can say is that at least I didn't allow this to get me completely off track.

Honestly I know that to be successful with weight loss I need to work like a star with all 5 points working together: food, exercise, water, determination and drive with consistency in the center of all of that. The weeks that I do all of these things and am consistent with them I lose weight, the weeks I do not - like this week - the star falls apart and the results are either maintain or gain depending on how many points are not there.

So what went wrong? Well as a "thank you" at work employees were given the option to purchase each other Purdey's chocolate bars. I was given four chocolate bars. They were sitting on my desk and I thought to myself, i'm not going to eat these, i'm focused. Then I thought, oh i'll have one piece, well one piece turned into the whole bar, and that turned into a whole bar every single day for four days. Then it was our annual BBQ, no whole wheat buns, just bad horrible no good very bad food, and I ate it. I felt like crap after, but I ate it because I didn't want to sit there with all my colleagues and not "participate". Then it was another BBQ, then it was alcohol, it was just temptation after temptation and I did not demonstrate strength at all. I just wanted to be part of the group, and what resulted is a crumbling star.

what did I learn? #1 Prepare myself better for the work functions. #2 GIVE AWAY THE CHOCOLATE right away - no option. #3 Move on and do better next time. Like I said before, i'm not mad - it happened, im just disappointed in my choices but I can only move on from here.

There was some positive that came from this week though. I had such an amazing time playing in the Slo Pitch tournament on Friday. Our team came in 2nd, we played 5 games from 8AM-4PM and I only sat one inning. They even awarded me shared MVP on the team with another kick ass girl, Jen Shaw. Playing just makes me happy and I don't want it to end :)

Today we also did our Amazing Race challenge in Biggest Winners, lots of fun with two teams. A little competition definitely makes you work harder. Everyone did awesome, Orange & Raspberry came in first and Pink & Blue came in second. I was pink. But I think all the BWs are winners regardless of what team they are on, and NO im not saying that because our team didn't win LOL. Seriously - everyone kicked some serious ass today. Looking forward to our wrap up and climbing Finlayson.

So here is my oath for this week: "I promise to be on track with my food, to attend all my workouts, to be committed and focused and to not give into temptation"

“The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today.”

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Nice Girls Finish Last

I've been feeling really frustrated these last few days. I'm on track with my workouts and food and have shifted my attitude back to being positive about reaching my goals. But i'm struggling with this feeling of being second best. I had a beautiful run tonight with my buddy Tonia who is always there to listen to me and just "gets me" she listened to my rant and gave me some great insight. I never feel second best when i'm with her, I know that she is 100% there for me and I love her for that.

This feeling of being second best is something that goes back as far as I can remember. I remember we did this play in third grade (I think), and I remember there were so many kids that they had two separate performances so that everyone got to participate. It was Aladdin we were doing and I was the Geni. I remember that my teacher chose to go to the other performance instead of mine and no one in my class came to watch me. I remember being so sad about this and felt like no one cared. Obviously I've grown up alot since grade three but this has been a theme throughout my life. I felt second best to my brothers because I was the only girl in the house growing up after my Mom left. I felt second best to my older sister who seemed to only want to be friends with my best friend and not me. I felt second best with my friends in high school when it felt like they only wanted to do something with me if their other plans fell through. This feeling of being second best has carried forward into my adult life. I often find myself second guessing peoples intentions. Like do they really want to be my friends or are they wanting something from me? I guess this is why food was my savior. Food never let me down, it was always there. Food was always my friend, but it was also my enemy because it got me to 360 lbs.

So how do I move past this? To be honest i'm not sure, I try very hard day by day to remind myself to give people the benefit of the doubt and that my friends and my support network are true friends that I have wonderful relationships with. But sometimes I find my brain going back there. Tonia said it perfectly to me tonight "nice girls finish last", meaning that because i'm a passive person that unless I speak up for myself I won't get anywhere. I can't even describe how hard it is for me to speak up for myself and that ties into me feeling worthy of speaking up. This is something that I have to get better at and feel like I am, but it takes time and it is not a change that will happen over night. All I can promise is that I will do my best to voice when I am hurt and to ask for what I need. I promise myself that I will make me a priority. I just remind myself that the past does not define me the present does and I can only improve from here.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Which hard choice will you choose?

You have a choice to make every day when you get up, will I choose to be healthy or choose to let myself go? Sometime this choice is made moment to moment, but for me it is often a choice I make every morning when I wake up.

To be overweight is hard. You feel like a failure, frustrated with yourself because you've let yourself get this far. You hate looking in the mirror. You're frustrated because you feel you deserve to be normal. You're disappointed in yourself for eating that cheesecake last night. You don't have the energy to keep up with your friends. You feel like you have no way out because you haven't proven to yourself that you are capable.

BUT to be healthy is also hard. You have to change your diet. You have to make time to working out. You have to push your body through pain (good pain). You have to get up earlier to make the workout instead of staying in that warm cozy bed. You have to say no when every part of you wants to say yes. You have to be strong.

So the question is which hard choice will you choose? Will you choose to just keep living they way you are living even if that might mean it is not the healthiest? Or will you choose to wake up and give 110% to YOU? The secret to having the very best life is giving the very best of ourselves to life.

I CHOOSE to live every moment to the fullest. I CHOOSE to not let opportunities pass me by. I CHOOSE to be healthy. I CHOOSE to be happy. I CHOOSE to live. What do you choose?