Yesterday I met with Michele again to chat about where i'm at since were 1/2 way through this session. I am disappointed to say I am the exact same weight as I was when I started this session. I am not disappointed in what I've done, i'm proud of myself, but i'm disappointed that I haven't lost any weight. Though I recognize why, i'm committed for sure and i'm not going to gain the weight back, but i'm wavering.
Like I said in one of my last posts I've had an attitude shift where I've started to feel normal, and that's true, I do feel normal. But part of feeling normal comes with this inner battle of wanting to just be like everyone else vs. doing what I need to do. I just want to be able to do all the things my friends do, like enjoy a glass of wine or go out for dinner, the "normal things", but the the other part of me knows that that is not what I need to do to lose the rest of this weight.
Lately the devil in this battle has been winning and that is why i'm not losing the weight, I know this. Even though I know this it is still very hard for me to change. I need to keep my attitude of feeling normal but shift my behavior back to being focused on losing the remaining 34 lbs. Because I truly want this, I truly want to achieve the unimaginable goal of losing 200 lbs. I want to say I did this and i'm proud of this and i'm successful. So even though I want this so much, why am I not focused? I don't really have the answer to that right now, all I can say is that I need to force myself to go through the motions and eventually i'll get my mojo back.
So going through the motions i'm completing the coaching exercise from Michele. Make a list of your 20 wants. Back in January I made a "want" list. The intent of the list is to write down thing you want, weather they are simple or not or achievable in a day or not, so you have something solid in place and a place to start. It means you can check things off your list. My list in January was:
1-to be under 200 lbs
2-to organize my food
3-to run the TC10K in 1:20
4-to organize my finances
5-to have a family
6-to run a 1/2 marathon in 2011
7-to be satisfied in my job
I can say that I have checked off the first four but the last three are still a work in progress. So here is my new list...
1-to be successful in the 10lb challenge
2-to have a family
3-to run a 1/2 marathon in 2011
4-to be satisfied in my job
5-to reach 200lbs lost by December 31, 2011
6-to get my asthma tested
7-to get my focus back on losing weight
8-to do "spring cleaning" on the house
9-to ride my bike
10-to play soccer
11-to feel in control again
12-to develop a new relationship with the word no
13-to start hiking again
14-to read a book (I don't read enough)
15-to be successful in the current job competition at work
16-to keep blogging
17-to create a 5 year business/career plan
18-to register at Camosun for accounting in the fall
19-to declutter our bedroom
20-to create a training plan for the 1/2 marathon in October
So now to check off some of those things, well it'll come with time but my #1 focus right now must be #7 and to get my focus back on losing weight. I love this quote: "When someone is telling you that you can't do something, don't quit, just smile and say WATCH ME." So because the devil on my shoulder is telling me I can't do this, my angel is saying WATCH ME!