Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A letter to my current self

Those of you who know me, know how hard it is for me to accept compliments and praise. Why is this? I guess part of is I feel sometimes like I haven't reached my final goal yet so i'm not ready to fully accept it as a success. But on the other hand I know I must celebrate every single success and remember the milestones. Part of me is afraid that if I fail then i'm letting everyone down. But realistically i'm only letting myself down if I fail. It's scary to fail, i'm such a perfectionist and have this need to be good at everything I do. But I realize and I know that I can never fail as long as I am giving 100% each and every day.

I had a rough day at work yesterday and reached a breaking point. I could feel the food demon creeping up inside me urging me to eat those candies and chips and treats that were in the office. I was strong enough to stop myself and tell myself "NO" and for that I am proud. I walked away.

Last week I wrote a letter to myself 10 years ago. Today I am writing a letter to me today as an outsider. I watch all these amazing people in my Biggest Winners group and I am so proud of all of them for various reasons, so it is important for me to be proud of myself too. It's important to remind myself of where I came from so when i'm faced with these situations where I am frustrated and am looking for some fast satisfaction (ie. food) then I can refer to this.

What would you say to yourself if you were looking in from the outside?

Dear Brianna,

I want you to know how very proud I am of everything you have accomplished. You have been persistent and determined over the last 1190 days. You never give up. You have grown into a strong, independent and beautiful woman.

Never forget where you came from. I want you to remember what it felt like to be 360 pounds. Remember how hard it was to just walk one kilometer. Remember how much you hated your body. Remember how sluggish and weak you felt. Now look at where you are - you can run 10 kilometers without stopping, you can buy clothes in a regular store, you are happy, you are in control. DO NOT GO BACK!

The next time you feel frustrated, don't give up. Remember that food does not control you, food does not make you feel better. Use your support system, reach out. Exercise - it makes you feel better every time and you know that.

You are beautiful, you are a good friend and you are an inspiration to many people. Remember that you are the most important person and you must put yourself first in order to be a good friend, wife, aunt, daughter and sister. It's okay to say no sometimes, you can't do everything.

Above all remember that you are worthy. Keep going, never give up because you reach every goal you set for yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Love,
Yourself

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