Last week I had an individual meeting with Michele, we talked about goals, wants, achievements, but we also talked about "where did your issue come from" and "what is your story". I think this is so important to recognize, I didn't just become unhealthy overnight, this was a process and a result of some painful childhood events. Food was my friend, and my best friend alot of the time. But I haven't really talked about this in a long time so it was deffinitly an emotional conversation. One thing that Michele asked was "what is your story?" So basically, what is that constant in your life that you always go back to when you are struggling. Is it "i'm not good enough" or "i'm stupid" or "i'm ugly"? Each of us have our own "story" which is unique to us and very personal.
I've been thinking alot about my conversation with Michele and reflecting on things that were said. For me I have to say my story is "i'm not good enough". In high school I was definitely not a popular girl, I felt like an outsider. I was trapped in a over 200 lb body with no fashion or style. I had friends, but it felt daily like I was a burden on them or an imposition, like I wasn't truly in the group. Let's just say I was glad to get out of high school and into the real world, but those feelings of always being the odd man out have carried forward in my every day life. Even though I know logically I am smart, driven, pasionate, committed and can do anything I set my mind to, sometimes that voice in my head pops up telling me that i'm not good enough. I know I've gotten alot better at realizing when this is happening and avoiding it, but sometimes it still happens.
I know now that I honestly don't care anymore if someone doesn't like me or doesn't want to be my friend, sure it still hurts, but I don't allow it to consume me like I used to. This comes from feeling confident in who I am, which I definitely wasn't in high school. Slowly but shurly I am working on crushing that "i'm not good enough" story and replace it with a "I can do anything I set my mind to" story.
Think about what your story is, what is that nagging voice saying to you? Now how are you going to change that? Maybe it means writing some key words down to post on your fridge, or an inspirational picture. Find something that will bring you back to your positive side. For me it is writing this blog, it is talking to others about my journey and hoping that they will find inspiration and confidence that they can also do it.
I have been feeling pretty down the last few days and frustrated with my work situation but everyone has reminded me that I can find positivity in my perseverance to continue and inspire others. For now my focus is to be 100% engaged in this Biggest Winners program, to put my career on the backburner and try not to worry about what is going on in that area. It will all come together eventually, for now I just have to be patient.