Monday, September 7, 2015

The Final Session!!

Yesterday we started another Biggest Winner session and it is the last one for 2015. We are racing to the end of the year with all engines on. For me, it has been session after session with little movement in my health. This last session I definitely improved my fitness level but my weight didn`t move. What I have up at stake for the next 4 months is aliveness and vitality - that my workouts, my food, my time to myself is all sacred and vital and what is present where I am is true aliveness!! I`ve been pretty resigned about this for awhile, frustrated that my weight doesn`t move, trying to move a number on the scale does nothing. When I look back at when I started my weight loss journey I was never focused on the scale, I focused on the things I wanted to be able to do like walking without having an asthma attack. So what do I want to be able to do?

1. In 2016 do a triathlon
2. Run a 5K comfortably with no pain
3. Fit in all my clothes again
4. Start fertility treatments in a healthy body

These will be my focus, not the # on the scale. I know exactly what it takes to be successful, i've done it over and over, now it's time to buckle down and just do it. I am walking to work again which is about 3KM each way, wearing my fit bit and using a food tracker. I said no to foods sitting out at work that I knew were not going to further my goal and I ate my salad instead. I also will be compassionate with myself, if I mess up then I need to use my accountability partners and be in communication with them. Part of me thinks "sure Bri, you've promised this before and not done it - what makes this different?" and I could give up and be resigned but i'm not becuase this is a journey - up down, in out, whatever it is it is all a journey. Getting to my lowest weight of 170 lbs was something that was NEVER going to happen for me, then I got comfortable, now this is a whole new journey - this is the journey of discovering balance, discovering having the results be lasting and also having my story and journey inspire others at the same time.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Playful & Committed

Wow 2015 has sure flown by, I got present this morning to how much hiding out I've been doing in this program. Yes I've been going to the workouts, but I haven't been honest with my food. Yes i've been talking alot about how being fit and active is what I want, but my actions are inconsistent with that. Even promising this morning in class to write a blog post brought up that I will look bad and be ashamed because I haven't been doing it and know that really I should. Now taking actions because I "should" can sometimes get me somewhere, but often it just leaves me resentful. What I created for myself last week in our check in was being playful and committed. Inside of being playful and committed I have a different access than just working hard which is what committed normally brings. So when I sat down to write this blog post I went back to my last entry and realized it is almost exactly what I want to say right now. It is a line of demarcation that life isn't going this way anymore. Now I did that for awhile and then I let life "lifed" me and took over. I wasn't responsible, it's all on me and no one is coming to save the day. I don't say that to make myself feel bad or put myself down but really because being 100% responsible is my access to having my life go the way I say it's going to go. So in January I drew that line of demarcation in the sand then swiftly covered it up with some stuff - conversations that i'm not good enough, conversations that my time isn't valuable and excuses. I've really taken the time this last week since starting a new Biggest Winner session to put the integrity back into my health. I've been honoring my workout schedule, I've been eating on plan and I've been drinking my water. Now all there is to do is to continue to honor who I am is my word, that is BEING PLAYFUL AND COMMITTED in all aspects of my life, even if at 5:30AM I don't "feel" like waking up to work out, being playful and committed is what is present.

Today in our check in I promised to take on my water in the 21 day challenge. That means 3 litres every single day of water. The small steps are what really make the difference, no overwhelming, no going for broke, but one foot in front of the other, one action at a time. And again, I am re promising to write and create in this blog again - I know it makes a difference not only for myself but for the hundreds of people who read it. I'm sorry for disappearing and I'm back!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A Line of Demarcation

Hello Long Lost Blog Readers

I have been MIA, absent, hiding and burying my head in life. You know when you know there is something for you to do and you put it off and put if off? Well I knew that I was long overdue to write a blog post and then I realized today the last time I wrote was August 11, 2014. Life has been coming at me fast and ferocious since then and something that I have realized is that when it comes to my health it has been a whole world of not wanting to do it, frustrated, what's the point and whatever I do doesn't matter anyway. Every day I do the same thing, I try really hard to eat "right" and workout, I even did 100 days in a row of working out, yet my experience doesn't shift. How life has gone for me is like it's not possible for me anyway - why try.

What's not possible? I know anything is possible, I am powerful and I can create miracles in my life yet I haven't been applying it and this week I've really been at the impact of that. In the last year I have gained weight, most of my clothes don't fit me anymore, my fitness level has decreased and the shame and the guilt start to creep up on me. I am back full time with Biggest Winners which is fabulous and at the same time comes with me wanting to make sure I fulfill on the program as an example to others. What I realized this week was that I have been doing alot for everyone else, for a purpose. Even when I lost all this weight it was for the purpose of having a family, of being a mom, it wasn't really for me. And you know what happened? I accomplished all of this and then it still wasn't possible for me, didn't matter how hard I worked or how many workouts I did it just wasn't possible for me to have what I really want. Now, I have all the tools in the world and amazing coaches to alter my experience of how life goes for me in any moment yet I have been hiding out, avoiding this and trying really really hard to cover up how sad, alone and devastated I feel. At the end of the day I'm completely resigned and not living life from what's possible, but living from I will make the difference for everyone else but me.

Dear's not going this way anymore!! Today is a demarcation, a point in time where I create my life for me - not for trying to do something for someone else, or for trying to get a result or get myself somewhere, but because who I am is worth it, who I am is valuable and who I am is loving and impactful. Now out of that I can see that I will still be a contribution and make a difference for people, but the source of it will be me putting ME as number 1. So here is what I am promising:

1. Write at least 2 blog posts per month, share my heart out, be vulnerable and authentic
2. Follow the Biggest Winners Nutritional guidelines every single day, even when I don't feel like it or when there is cake in the office
3. Make time (minimum of 15 minutes) every single day to do something that will take care of me. Today that is taking an hour off of work, going home and relaxing before I go to class tonight.

And if you are sitting there relating to this post at all my invitation is to make a promise to yourself today that will move you towards what you want, you deserve to have it all.

Monday, August 11, 2014

100 Day Challenge

Imagine agreeing to do something every single day for the next 100 days...seems daunting, maybe impossible, a lot of work? That's pretty much how it was for me a couple weeks ago when I was looking at taking on this challenge. The challenge is 100 days of moving my body, getting sweaty for a minimum of 30 minutes every day. The immediate thought for me was "I can't do that, you're injured", then I realized that was me just doing the thing I do - I like to do it full force, 110% effort, if im not pushing myself its not worth it - thats just how I do life, but it really does constrain me. There is no freedom, compassion or fun inside of it always having to be full throttle. So I said yes to the challenge knowing everything I knew about my body (no running, little to no impact, take it easy). The challenge for me really is learning my body in a new way. So for the last 10 days I have power-walked on my lunch breaks, i've been swimming, i've been back to bootcamp twice and had a lot of compassion about what I can and cannot do. What happened? Well, I actually started enjoying myself again and i've had alot of fun these last 10 days. I have compassion where I am and where i'm not.

The other thing I took on inside of this challenge is breaking it down into 10 day increments. Small, measurable for the first 10 days all I focused on is getting my 30 minutes of movement in, that's it. Now for the next 10 days it will be the movement + focus on re-vamping my food back to where it was before. Every 10 days I will add to what I am already doing. Breaking it down really had it not be overwhelming for me, just one day at a time for ten days - I can do that!

Now, I had lots of reasons to not do this challenge apart from the obvious injury, i'm going on holidays for 2 weeks, im going to San Francisco for my leadership program, all of this should be lots of reasons to not do this - I wont have the time! But really, life will keep coming at me, it doesn't matter when I start, all I have is right now every day. So what are you putting off? What are you waiting for your circumstances to change to start? I invite you to jump in and do it now because all you really have is now.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

A Letter to my Community

Dear Community

Let me start off with saying I have been hiding out, in case you didn't know that. I really have just been hiding under a mountain of a lot of work to do, a conference to run, a program to coach, people to make a difference for and in the middle of all that is me not making a difference for me. I miss my community, and I distanced myself so far away because to be honest I've been completely terrified the last few months. What i've been dealing with is my body not operating at the level i'm used to it operating at, I can't run, I can't do high impact exercise and it feels like pretty much everything I do hurts. What happened is instead of me calling on my community I hid all of this from all of you, though i'm sure you can figure it out. I hid in all the work I needed to do and the projects I was working on and the things I was doing for other people. In reality i was just not making the difference for me anymore, I went to where it was comfortable for me which is to care about everyone else but leave myself out of the equation.

How life has been like the last 4 months has been incredibly lonely and scary. I feel trapped in a body that doesn't do the things i'm used to it doing. I'm in pain consistently and scared to try things in fitness because it seems like I just continue to injure myself. I'm frustrated and I hate it and all I want is to be out there in the beautiful sun and enjoying the body and fitness level I know I worked so hard for. Really, it's just not fair! Have you ever wanted to run and hide and hope people don't notice? Or maybe some flavor of that? Well that is exactly where I've been the last few months.

This letter to all of you is to declare that I am back in the game, no more hiding, no more trying to appear like I got it all together. I am back to sharing myself, back to having what I am up to in life make the difference just in who I am not in something I do for someone else. Now, I know this isn't going to look like what I want right now, it wont look like me doing high intensity exercise or running, but it can still look like me being a part of the community.

For those of you who don't know what I've been dealing with the last few months has been pain in my right hip and knee stopping me from doing a lot of exercise. This pain developed into compression in my spine which had be me in the hospital last weekend. This week i've been home bound apart from a few outings and really just starting to take on learning my body newly. I've been to chiropractic, massage, feldenkrais and structural medicine all in this last week. No longer will the circumstance called pain dictate who I am, who I am is a part of this community and i'm back as of right now.

Today I walked into Michele's office at BDHQ and bared it all. My immediate thought was that she is going to kick me out of this gym and won't want me to be part of this program anymore, this is the conversation i've been avoiding. Instead what Michele said to me is "Bri, you aren't going backwards, it's not even possible, you are always moving forward". I got to share what it has been like for me the last few months, and the missing of not being there, and created coming back to the program to have the program (Biggest Winners) make a difference for me and in turn that will make a difference for the people around me. Right now that looks like letting this compression in my spine settle down and participating in the check ins and then in a couple weeks coming back into working out as modified to what I can do. I also have a new eating pattern to take on. Thank you Michele for our conversation today, you made a huge difference for me and I love you.

To my community, my promise is you will hear more from me, I am back to writing my blog and back to putting myself on the line and living the life of health and wellness to make a difference.


Saturday, March 29, 2014

What is Your Say?

WOW, I'm almost speechless right now, which is interesting considering how much talking i've done this week.

Some of you may not know but this last week I was asked to come and speak for wellness week at the Ministry of Finance, not once but twice. I used to work for the Ministry of Finance prior to moving to Federal Government in 2010 so I knew that I would be speaking in front of some people that I knew already. It's interesting because talking in front of strangers is somehow easier than talking in front of people I know. I would say that there is less of a threat to my identity in talking to a stranger than there is when talking to people I know. I also know that it just wouldn't be a demonstration of who I am now to say no to this opportunity though, so I jumped in.

Last time I spoke in front of any kind of large group about my health was for Sole Sisters. I remember the hours leading up to it having body sensations of shaking, tears, anxiety, and at the same time being able to so powerfully put that all to the side and do what I was there to do - make a difference. What was different this time was a few things, first I was talking for an entire hour, not just 20 minutes, second I didn't write anything!! Usually, my sense of wanting to be prepared takes over and I write everything out, this time all I had was an outline of a few topics and a point of view that I created for myself that said "who I am is unwavering and a difference maker". I went into these two talks with one piece of paper, my heart and my promise that everyone in that room would be left with a new access to taking on their health. What was interesting is I spoke two days in a row with the same outline and what I shared was totally different from one day to the next. The feedback I have got from people has been unbelievable, one person even said he thought I could be a professional speaker. My experience of myself this week has been that I am powerful and connected to why I am on this journey. I was again re-connected to the why of this journey, to have my experience help someone else.

If you have been following my blog for some time you will know something about me, I take on things that scare me. Something that you might not know about me is that even though I take on things that scare me I still am confronted by those conversations in my head every day, I still was shaking minutes before I got up and spoke, I still had thoughts like I was going to fail or disappoint and I still wanted to run away. The only difference is that I allow those conversations to not own my life now, I get to say how my life goes - not my past or those past based conversations. So how do I say life will go for me? I say that I am enlivened, lit up and that me and the people around me win every day - now THAT is what my life is about, if what i'm doing doesn't fulfill on that then i'm a no. I've stopped saying yes to things that don't line up with what I say my life is about anymore.

My invitation to you is to look at what you say you want your life to be about and then ask yourself, is what you are doing in life fulfilling on what really matters to you? If you aren't a yes then what are you going to do to take the say back? If what is important to you is losing weight or transforming your health it isn't just about that, look at your whole life because this journey is not just weight, this journey is your life and it is never ending so go have fun and create life!

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Own the Podium

HAPPY SUNDAY! Gold medal morning and the completion of a week of confront, breakthroughs and being back on track. Last Sunday was my first blog post in over 2 months, that a long time, and to be honest I thought that no one was going to read it or maybe forgot about me, i'd been hiding out you know. But apparently I can't hide in my life, nearly 200 people read that post - reminds me that I can make the difference I am out to make by starting with me. Put your mask on before anyone else!

This morning's check in was a follow up on last week's check in or maybe reality check in. For me I took on this week looking at my number from 1 to 10 on how "in the game" I am, last week I said 5 and there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, it is incredibly powerful to get related to what is so or the reality of the now, that is why we weigh in each week, that is why we write in our books, not to feel bad, but to get related to what is so right now and what is missing that we can put in to have the results we want. So what I took on this week was creating a whole new view on my fitness such that I move that number from a 5 all the way back up to 10. The view I created this week was being an athlete of integrity, wowsa - now that's a view to take on. The funny thing is, the moment you create that view of life, everything that shows up is all the places that doesn't exist. So who I am is an athlete of integrity and there I am in bed at 5:30AM fighting in my head about waking up to go run in the cold. Now, the view of "i have to workout" probably would have had me stay in bed, but the view of "im an athlete of integrity" had me up for 5 workouts this week. In reality, my experience of my health and fitness this week completely altered, there was a pretty big impact on my life in not being excited or engaged in my fitness anymore. What's important to me is that I make a difference for other people in their health and I was robbing myself of the opportunity to do that because I wasn't doing it for myself. Even though I still had people tell me how they were inspired by my story, on the inside I felt like a total fraud - this week in taking this new view on I completely altered that for myself and started making a difference with people all over the place. In some cases even constant texting to remind them to go drink water, and its not like I couldn't do that before, but I didn't relate to myself like it would make a difference because the difference wasn't being made with me.

The invitation and the opportunity for everyone is to create something as a view that totally inspires you, and you don't need to know how to do it, but what is amazing is every time something shows up that is outside of that view you have this new access to being incredibly powerful in the face of it. It's simply enlivening to know that I fulfilled on getting up for 5 workouts this week, despite the conversation of wanting to stay in the warm bed, so what will you create? what will you do this week to bring your game up to a 10? YOU and only YOU can make this difference in your life, you can join programs and talk about things and wish and hope, but at the end of the day the only thing that will ever make a difference is taking an action in the face of "i'd rather be doing X" with a view that simply wakes you up or reality checks you, life for me "being an athlete of integrity".

So that's the invitation to you - OWN THE PODIUM in your game of life!